“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others others.” Marianne Williamson
All of my healing has happened in God’s time and not mine, and I have found life is so much more enjoyable when I slow down and practice being fully present in the moment. Remaining present and focusing on how I’m feeling as I’m walking is the only way for me to eliminate any lingering fears of falling that I may have.
A month ago I took my first steps. I could only walk a total of 23 steps in increments of six feet, then ten feet, and lastly seven feet. A few days ago I went a total of 119 feet with 36 feet being the longest stretch. While I’m walking, my senses are heightened, and with each step I take I experience strong tingling that starts in the balls of my feet, travels to my heels, and continues up my legs. I’ve noticed that when I am taking my last walk at PT my muscles are starting to get the idea of what to do and how they are supposed to respond.
At that moment, I can feel all of my muscles firing and working together the way God intended it to be. It feels wonderful and still amazes me!
Standing up and walking is getting a bit easier. I was told by my PT that she doesn’t have to help very much anymore, and I am thankful that I am now doing most the work.
My job for now is to focus on my breath and keeping my head up, because this aids in proper body alignment and makes moving forward a little easier. After each step, I pause while being mindful of what I am experiencing and take it all in. Moving one leg even a few inches at a time is still exhilarating!
I never appreciated how amazing my body was until I have had to relearn how to move and walk again. Something that was once so automatic has now become an arduous task at times and can take me back to the early days of my recovery when moving my hands and fingers seemed to be an insurmountable task.
The key then, and still today, is to stay calm and focus on grounding, while cherishing each step. The stage of healing has once again been transforming, and for now it’s back to basics saying thank you with every step I take.